Thank you!

To the friends that are patient with me when I am having a ‘dip’ and I feel disconnected from you, despite you showing me nothing but connection and compassion.
When that trixy part of depression or anxiety tells me they arent replying or calling or catching up with you because they dont want to speak to you or they are bored of you or youre being clingy and weird.
When I know you are busy, working, living, being and that it has nothing to do with your lack of love or care for me.

When im normal me, I know this, you could not reply all day, I could not see you for months and I would know that you had reasons just as I do and it wasnt because you dont care or any of the above trixy thoughts and I wouldnt even be giving it a second thought and when you finally message/email/call/catch up its all normal and all good because you ROCK. EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

When im in a dip, I get defensive, and short, and quiet and I shut down, im preempting hurt and pain that hasnt even been inflicted by you and to be honest probably never would be inflicted by you (im a working progress you see, arent we all?) I put myself into defense, a position that happy, everyday me hates playing because. Its NOT ME. Im open and loving and caring, i give with everything i have, i always have and sometimes that hard but that what makes me …me, so when that trixy side sneaks in, it frustrates me and upsets me and its like im watching myself from the outside going ‘what are you doing?’ ‘why are you feeling like that?’ ‘they care’ ‘what on earth woman?!’ ‘you are not really a faliure’ ‘get up’ and yet, the in that moment, overwhelmed by the ‘you are not worthy’ ‘they don’t care’ ‘you suck’ thinking non-me-me continues down the path that does not serve any of us.

These dips are tiring and they creep up on you BUT everytime I come out of a dip, I feel that bit stronger, that bit more capable and that bit more ready to take on the world and grow and learn.
Each dip teaches me something new, it gives me a chance to look at myself, my reactions, where I am coming from and begin to heal and hopefully in turn, not only move forward but have less dips, more self-care, more self-love, more compassion and more understanding for others.

I cannot express enough just how much I appreciate those in my life that stand by me, through good, bad, ups, downs and everything in between and know I will ALWAYS be there for them through it all too, no matter what.
To those few in my circle that truely understand what I go through, first off, you know I hate that you get it, because it means you live it too but, your words, compassion, guidance, kindness and trust means more to me then I could probably express and the fact you are facing your own battles but still stand with me, I cannot stress enough how brightly your lights shine, how worthy you are and how much I cant wait to see you all succeed in whatever way you choose in this life, I will celebrate with you, I will comissirate with you and I will dust you off when you have fallen, you are not and will never be alone just as I know, you have never left me alone, no matter what the trixy mind says in moments of darkness, my heart and soul knows you hold lights for me.
For those in my circle that dont get it but stand with me anyway, thank you, because i know how hard it is to not understand and feel like you are helpless on the sidelines, but the fact you show up, thats everything and thats helping, you dont need to ‘fix me’, thats my job, just stand with me.

Thank you sounds small, the sentiment however is much larger.
Keep shining, keep being you and I wish you everything your hearts desire in this life.
I could not be more grateful to call you friends or that you call me yours.

Thank you for your patience with this work in progress
Love always,

G xo