Thinking about times passed..
How the relationships in our childhood form so much of how we view ourselves and the world.
-How we are and how we interact with future relationships personal and otherwise.
Our fathers- we are told- are our measuring stick by which all men are measured…
I’m not sure I agree – for what if those of us with fathers who don’t live up to what a partner should be
and yet.. I still agree with the fact they act as a measurement..
They show you what you can see is unacceptable, they teach you that you can be strong on your own
but the damage that is done at the time.. that takes us so many years to learn from, fix and grow from..
it’s painful…
I stand by my reasoning that everything happens for a reason in our lives- it shapes us- I think for me it deepened
my compassion and sensitivity.
It also damaged my self worth because the one man that’s suppose to love you for who you are unconditionally couldn’t show it in a loving and compassionate way.
Older me knows this is because he could not get passed his own pain and suffering and be open and giving in his sensitivity and compassion, so it turned into something that created the opposite
and knowing what I know and have learnt in my own personal journey – of course I wonder how things would be different if he would have seeked and accepted help.
If he had learnt to love himself.
If he had not taken on the pressure to “be manly” as was so misconceived at that time.
I could if and but and question the situation until the end of time but that would be unfair, inaccurate and
torturous for that is not the path it took.
To little me: you did nothing wrong, you were loved just as you were, he was unable to love himself enough
to know how to love you.
Don’t let anyone but you define you but hold the standard that only the people that raise you, ground you
and show you open, true love and friendship stay in your heart and share your space.
Grow with others, show compassion to yourself and love without judgment or measurement.
Love because that’s how things grow and bloom and shine – love without agenda.

..G xo