An open letter to my inner child and to the man who was suppose to show me how a woman should be loved.
I may not have learnt value or love from you but I learnt how not to be, what not to accept from others and from myself.
I learnt that when people hurt in way we can’t always comprehend they act and react in unlovable ways, they abuse themselves and those around them.
I learnt the people society say should be your guides are not always the way it’s portrayed in the shiny pictures or movies.
I learnt that you have to learn it’s ok to love who you are even if those you call family do not and more than that I learnt family is not blood- family is so much more than that- family is soul- family is those who see you, truly see you for everything that you are and everything that you are not and love you wholeheartedly, they support your dreams , they cry happy tears and sad tears.
They wish with their hearts they could makes things better even when you all know that the only person who can truly heal you.. is you!
To the little girl who grew up without a dad, to the girl that lied to herself and others when asked if it made her sad to see ‘whole families’ you might have been hiding when you said that but I’m here to tell you, you were right, a ‘whole family’ isn’t a perfect picture, it’s the people you surround yourself with and choose to love, you don’t need the worlds version of happy to be happy, you don’t need the worlds version of love to feel love or to be love,
You are in your essence, love.
Those who can’t see that are only blinkered because they can’t learn to love the shadows and turn them to light, to share, to understand and to know it is human to not be ok all the time.
Those who hurt others are often hurt themselves, it doesn’t make their behaviour ok, it doesn’t mean you have to stay, accept it, it doesn’t mean you don’t set boundaries but it means, in those quiet moments. Send healing to the broken, wounded, hurt and healing, send love into this world ?
We all need more love.

To the little girl who thought not having her fathers love meant she was unloveable, oh darling how wrong you were, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to grieve but don’t for a second think the beautiful soul you have inside you doesn’t deserve love, every inch of it, by you or by others.

Little girl who spent so many days and nights in silent tears because she wasn’t others image of beauty… how brightly you can shine when you realise being you makes you you’re own kind of beautiful- those people don’t define you- you define you.

To the little girl who felt fear and sadness when trying to speak up, look at those people that inspired you as guideded you and showed you how to use your ‘assembly voice’ (thank you Anna.A) – look at what that’s taught you, look at the dreams you hold in your heart to reach and help so many more people then you would have ever dared to dream before.

Look at how far you’ve come dear one, don’t look back in anger or pain, look back in gratitude for every experience, every lesson, every heartache, every battle in your own mind has lead you to grow, it’s lead you to try and understand and live with as much compassion and understanding as you can, it’s taught you the importance of understanding yourself, growing, healing and most of all acceptance and gratitude.

It taught you to be true to who you are not who people want you to be.

People might feel sad I had an absent father, I look back with an open heart and gratitude for what it taught me.

I might still have some lessons to clear from that part of my past, but I’m here, I’m breathing and my heart has a chance to start again everyday, every second.